With the constant stream of announcements, movie trailers, and teaser footage coming out all the time, it can be difficult to keep up with the constant barrage of movie trailers. Let me, our resident smart ass, break it down to you in a way that cuts out all the paid advertisement and ego-stroking and gives it to you straight.
- I’m surprised at how awesome Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 looks! Bebop and Rocksteady are gonna be so awesome, and the Party Bus looks – you guessed it – AWESOME! Bebop is played by The Boondocks‘ alum Gary Anthony Williams (Uncle Ruckus). Frankly, though, the last movie really messed up by not spending enough time on the Teenage Mutant Ninja goddamn Turtles, and instead focused on Megan Fox’s heavy breathing. Stephen Amell is a solid actor, but he’s a little too soft-spoken in the trailer. I miss the rude, loud Elias Koteas from the originals. And don’t even get me started on Tyler Perry as Baxter Stockman – mother fucker looks just Professor Klump hit the gym.
- A new international trailer for Captain America 3: Civil War dropped. This movie trailer has awakened something in me that I haven’t felt for a long time – a hatred for subtitles. Seriously though, I got some pretty big butterflies. The same dynasty that Marvel has built is evolving. Ending, in a way. So how fitting is it that we get introduced to many of the same characters that will begin the next Phase of the MCU? I could gripe about how different it is than the book, but who wants to be that guy? Biggest takeaway from the trailer is that Black Panther looks dope as shit.
- Christoph Waltz and Margot Robbie? I am sold. The latest adventure of the monkey man, The Legend of Tarzan, is star-studded as hell.
DigimonDjimon Hounsou and Sam Jackson are in this, too, while studmuffin Alexander Skarsgard (True Blood) plays Tarzan himself. The trailer doesn’t show a whole lot of action or, ya know, Tarzan shit, but who cares? This is going to act as a sequel of sorts, where Tarzan goes back to the Congo and I guess defeats a bunch of savage tribesmen? More importantly than the plot, though, is that Margot Robbie will likely be scantily-clad and wet at least once.
- Deadpool is surprising all you fans out there with a new “treat” each day leading up to Christmas, when a new trailer will debut. It’s silly, but really cool. Ryan Reynolds just may redeem himself for his role in the Green Lantern atrocity… but we will #NeverForget his part in X-Men Origins.
- As tired as the concept of the Ice Age movies is, this latest one is very peculiar. How are you going to break it to the audience of children watching (wait, are there even any kids left that watch this, or are they all grown up?) that the entire world is going to end? That it’s all pointless? Ice Age: Collision Course takes on that tough parenting discussion so you don’t have to!
- Am I the only one NOT convinced by Sophie Turner’s Jean Grey? Maybe it’s seeing her as the frail Sansa Stark for so long, but she doesn’t strike me as the most powerful mutant in the world… or even American. Anyway, X-Men: Apocalypse gave me the same vibe that the last several X-movies: could be great, could be catastrophic. Here are some keywords to takeaway: Four Horsemen, a real Jubilee, Mystique would rather be JLaw, bald Professor X, mohawk Storm, and non-Power Rangers Apocalypse.
- Alright, somebody needs to punch Jesse Eisenberg is his stupid fucking face. I thought seeing a more eccentric version of Lex (a la Gene Hackman) would be charming, but he is so annoying in this trailer. Not only is the latest trailer for Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice too long and spoilery (just like its title), but it kind of seems desperate for a film that has so much momentum. On top of that, Doomsday looks like something Clayface pooped out, and there’s gonna be no way to fit in all the characters they plan to without it feeling forced. Ugh, don’t ruin this for us, Warner Bros.